By: Annie Sousa
Masking girl
For years, I lived behind a mask I didn't even know I was wearing. Like many undiagnosed neurodivergent individuals, I navigated a world that wasn't built for my brain, trying desperately to fit into spaces that felt increasingly uncomfortable. This is my story – but it might also be yours.
The Early Signs
Looking back, the signs were always there:
The overwhelming sensory experiences in crowded places
The intense focus on specific interests that others didn't understand
The exhausting effort of trying to maintain "appropriate" eye contact
The constant feeling of being slightly out of sync with everyone else
But in a world that didn't understand neurodivergence, these weren't seen as signs. They were seen as quirks to be corrected, behaviors to be modified, parts of myself to be hidden.
The Cost of Constant Masking
Masking – the act of hiding our natural behaviors to appear "normal" – comes with a price tag that's far too high:
Emotional exhaustion from constant performance
Disconnection from our authentic selves
Anxiety about being "found out"
Physical fatigue from maintaining the facade
Depression from the inability to be genuinely seen
Physical symptoms (psychosomatic) yet thinking I was physically sick, and getting no answer or wrong diagnosis after wrong diagnosis.
The Impact on Self-Worth
When you spend years trying to be someone you're not, it affects how you see yourself. I developed:
A deep-seated belief that I wasn't good enough
An expert ability to please others while ignoring my own needs
A pattern of doubting my own experiences and perceptions
A habit of apologizing for my natural ways of being
The Breaking Point
Every mask eventually cracks. For me, it happened when I started my "adult life" after my first undergraduate degree, and the unbearable weight of life after college was weighing on me. I knew I couldn't be losing my memory at such a young age or that there had to be other reasons why I felt how I did physically. I looked the part of what others perceived as successful, yet I felt like the opposite. That's when masking became unbearable and I looked for answers.
Finding Understanding
The journey to diagnosis in my 20s wasn't just about getting a label – it was about finally understanding why I experienced the world differently. It was the first step toward authentic living.
Moving Forward
Today, as a licensed mental health therapist and founder of Unmask Your Mind, I understand that:
Our differences are not deficits
Masking is a survival strategy, not a solution
Authentic living is possible and necessary
Support and understanding are essential for growth
Your Journey Begins
If you recognize yourself in this story, know you're not alone. Your experiences are valid, and your journey to understanding is worth every step.
Ready to explore your journey of unmasking? Join our community and learn more about our upcoming "Starting Over: Resilient Rebirth" course. Sign up for our newsletter to receive updates and resources for your journey.
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